Relationships are very important. They are what create our living, breathing, social network. Our relationships with our families matter. Our relationships with our friends matter. Our relationships with our significant others matter. Our relationships with our co-workers matter. But most of all, our relationships with ourselves matter.
In what order would you place those relationships in your life?
I can tell you that childhood Abbie put her relationship with her family first, pre-teen Abbie put her relationship with her friends first, teenage Abbie put her relationship with her significant others first, and now young adult Abbie has put her relationship with herself first. I have yet to put my relationship with my co-workers first, but seeing how my life is going, I’m sure that will be next. I still haven’t found a group of co-workers that I connect on a personal level with yet!
What about you? Have you noticed a pattern in your life? Maybe it’s always been one first. Maybe you are accomplished in balancing them all equally.
Today I want to talk about the personal relationship you have with yourself versus the relationship you have with a significant other, and which comes first.
For me, I’ve been putting myself first for a while. I experienced my epic love back in high school, and have dated my share of idiots since. I found my best friend in my next relationship, and we still spend time together. However, aside from that, romantic relationships have left me indifferent.
Like most high school relationships, once you graduate life becomes much more interesting than boys, or at least I’ve come to think so. Don’t get me wrong, I was still a boy crazy freshman living in a college dorm and going on weekend dates, but eventually I became so happily absorbed in what I was doing rather than whom I was seeing. It gradually began and has been that way ever since. Once I realized there were more exciting things to experience than a kiss on a Friday night, my whole world opened up.
In college I began working on shows and class projects all to do with my major (which was acting at the time) and it gave me such life! I landed the lead in the spring musical as a freshman, and by my sophmore year I was doing extra work on film sets and applying for a job at Disney World! I was quickly learning that the world is full of possibilities and I wanted to explore them all!
By the time I was finished with my job at Disney, I was fixed on the idea that myself and my experiences were enough to make myself happy and the experiences I was discovering were just the beginning. I became more involved in the things that made me happy and less of what didn’t.
After returning to school I decided I wanted to be out in the world learning and not on a campus. I left college and after six months of collecting my thoughts and determining my true passions, I returned to the place where I felt possible, Disney World. Coming back I worked a job I enjoyed while becoming more involved in POP Pilates and discovering new talents such as painting! I never felt more unstoppable in my entire life. I was in charge and in love (with my life that is) so much that I didn’t even notice there wasn’t a guy by my side.
My favorite time became the time I spent with myself. Blogging, vlogging, working out, painting, and creating so much more for myself than I ever thought possible!
My entire life changed when I realized that I am enough to make myself happy. Everything I need can be found in the passion I have for my life and my willingness to work hard for what I want.
That’s not to say my relationships with others are not important, it just means I finally freed myself of the dependency I once had upon others making me happy.
I found passion, love, and happiness in the ambitions I bred for myself.
It’s brought me now to a place where I can confidently say it is not the right time for love, and I’m all the happier for it.
Women are often labeled as emotionally dependent. We need a man in our life to survive. A relationship makes our world go round. Our expectation has always been to marry and look after the children, beginning at a rather young age. I used to want that for my life, until I realized there could be so much more to life first.
Before anyone goes labeling me a “career” woman, I’ll say this: There are no two types of women. The battle between the stay at home mom and the career woman is over. Today there are all kinds of in between. You’ll find some of the most successful “career women” with children. You’ll find some of the most dedicated “stay at home moms” to be hard working from home as well. You’ll find women pursue a career first and a family later or a family first and a career later. They come in all shapes, sizes, ambitions, and relationship statuses.
We are undefined.
Me? I’m a big heart, with even bigger ambitions.
I’m much more interested in career opportunities right now than I am a boyfriend, and that’s okay. I am happy. I am healthy. I am successful.
Don’t be afraid to be that girl.
When I find someone to love, I am going to love them so hard. He and I will be happy with ourselves, and therefore happier with each other. We will have lived our own lives, and come together to finish them. It will be perfectly imperfect, and oh so real.
Work on loving yourself, knowing yourself, pleasing yourself, and growing yourself.
You are worth all the time in the world, and so are your relationships.