8 Signs He’s Looking for a Hook-Up, Not a Relationship

Ladies, let’s be real. It is getting more and more difficult to find a guy who actually wants to pursue a relationship, rather than just have sex with you. We live in a hook-up culture amidst the age of online dating. Girls are giving it as easily as guys are going for it, and vice versa. So how do you tell mister relationship and mister one night stand apart?

That’s where I’d like to help!

Ever since adult dating began for me as a college freshmen, I have experienced some of the best and worst guys imaginable, but mostly the worst.

Today, I’d like to share what I’ve learned.

8 Signs He’s Looking for a Hook-Up, Not a Relationship


  1. He calls you “hot” instead of “beautiful”.
    In my experience, hot is the equivalent of sexy, and besides the obvious root word for sexy being in fact, “sex”, it also generally implies that they are paying more attention to your body and not your face. If he actually wanted to date you, he’d be more creative in his compliments.
  2. He gets physically comfortable with you too quickly.
    If you just met, have only been talking for a week or two, or haven’t even been on a date yet and he touches you with more than a hug or a flirtatious/playful gesture, he has no respect for your personal space which means he probably would have no respect for you in an intimate situation. If he actually wanted to date you, he’d want to make sure you were comfortable and respected.
  3. His idea of a first date is going out for drinks.
    Going out for drinks instead of coffee may sound like the trendy adult thing to do, but truly it’s a potential recipie for disaster. He’s probably counting on you to be a light weight, which many girls are, or a nervous drinker, which many people are. Either way, it’s an easier battle to win to take you home with him if you’re intoxicated. I’ve found that alcohol is a potion for persuasion and a crutch for dating. If he actually wanted to date you, he’d go with a coffee or lunch first.
  4. He’s no longer interested once you try getting to know each other.
    So maybe you met him at a party or through a mutual friend and got his digits before the night was through. You get all excited to talk to him, but once the initial flirty texts diminish and you start asking questions about his personal life, you get no response. He realized you meant business, not pleasure. If he really wanted to date you, getting to know each other wouldn’t be a problem.
  5. He asks if you have Snapchat before you’ve gotten to know each other.
    Snapchat is one of the biggest red flags of dating. Sure, it can be a fun way to interact with your friends on a daily basis and keep them up to date on your life, but if a guy you barely know is asking for your Snapchat handle before even asking you on a date, you should know he’s trouble. He’s counting on your innocent selfies to turn into nudies within the evening. If he actually wanted to date you, he would spend time getting to know your face in person.
  6. Your first kiss is french.
    If he’s shoving his tongue in your mouth the first time you kiss, he’s got other plans in mind. Kissing with tongue is personal and provocative. Yet again, he is invading your personal space with no consideration of whether you are comfortable or ready for that kind of physicality. If he wanted to date you, he would make your first kiss simple and respectfully follow your lead when it came to passion.
  7. He invites you to watch a movie in his room.
    Ladies, don’t fall for this one. Everyone knows there is a perfectly good couch to be sat and snuggled on in his living room. In fact, you probably have to pass by it to get to his bedroom. Any invitation specific to his bedroom is a flashing neon sign that reads ” LETS F*** “. If he really wanted to date you, he would invite you to watch a movie at his place (with no specific location) and you’d sit on the couch with popcorn and a cute hand hold or cuddle.
  8. He tries to have sex with you before you’re even in a relationship.
    Having sex before you’re married is a huge physical and emotional gamble. Having sex before you’re even in a committed dating relationship is nearly physical and emotional suicide. Nine times out of ten, the guy that will try and have sex with you before you’re a couple will put just enough effort in (maybe 2 or 3 dates worth), have sex with you, and then be done. So you have a choice. Either say yes and lose him or say no and lose him. Keep your integrity ladies. If he really wanted to date you, he’d wait.


Bottom line, be smart, know the signs, and practice self control.

If you want a relationship rather than a hook-up, I’m going to warn you…it will be hard. For as many actual relationships as I’ve had in my life, I’ve had five times as many dates. It can be very discouraging and frustrating at times, but don’t give into something you don’t want. Stay true to who you are and what you want.

Good luck!



  1. I wish I had known these signs back when I was dating. Went through several douche bags but I was so naive that I believed every word they said. pfft. Then I met my hubby and he showed me what a good guy was like. ❤ ^_^


  2. Great article, that is just as helpful for guys.

    Another sign that they aren’t interested in an actual relationship, is if you ask them about their dreams in life. We all have them and all stay awake late at night thinking about them, so when the person refuses to talk about the future at all with you, it’s because they don’t even see a future past the weekend with you.

    You can also be blunt and say you have no interest in going out for drinks and getting drunk or hooking up. Ask them to go to church with you or go out to lunch or dinner and get to know them, and watch how many don’t respond the next day.

    This generation is so shallow and it is quite sad to be apart of a hook-up culture that you want nothing to do with.

    I think the main problem these days is that people don’t truly love themselves, and it’s hard to share your heart with someone and fall in love, when you don’t love yourself.


  3. Well, I think I found that one guy out of ten :)) I met my SO at a party and we both wanted to hook up, but we both had big plans the next day so we postponed it. Meanwhile we messaged and skyped for a couple of days, and when we both had time, we met up. During that night some alcohol and pot was involved, and we really opened up and connected. And now we are planning our wedding 😀
    Now, I know my story is anecdotal, but the truth is, even if we both initially wanted a hook up, we were both in a place in our lives where we were ready to start a family.
    And I think that is more important. Finding someone who is in the same place in life as you are.


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