“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that
you are not going to stay where you are.”
Have you ever felt pushed to your limit? I mean absolutely pushed. Physically, mentally, emotionally. Pushed to the point of exhaustion like none other. You feel like if you continue as you are you’ll only break. You’re walking straight into a wall time after time after time until you get so frustrated you begin to punch until your fists start to break and your knuckles start to bleed. You fall to your knees in tears and sweat. You’re done. You’re down. You’re stuck.
You’re becoming one with the wall.
The battle you’ve been fighting has been on rewind and repeat until you’ve been living the same day every day. You just want someone to grab you by your shoulders and give you a big turn around.
You want to walk in a new direction.
But no one can turn you around but yourself. It’s up to you. Get inside your own head and find it. Find the will to command yourself to turn around and walk away.
Don’t stay where you are. Don’t stay broken.
Instead of fighting the wall, turn around. If you want to get somewhere…change direction.
Today, I check myself into personal “rehab”. Over the past six months, I have become absolutely overwhelmed with toxic thoughts and feelings. They have taken control of my mind, my body, and my life. I bottled them up as best I could until finally, I became too exhausted to continue.
To put it simply, I’m tired.
I have been running myself into the ground with anxiety, my perfectionism, my fear of food, and my stress over physical fitness. I have been unfocused, unhappy, and all together coming undone for quite some time.
I’m very outside myself.
So for the month of September, I’m changing direction. I’m checking out of whatever life has been and checking in to what life can be. I’m taking a break from fitness, from social activities, and from any usual practices that serve as a source of the battles I’ve been fighting and the stress I’ve been feeling. Instead I’m substituting my time for what I think is necessary for me to heal. Lot’s of self love and personal care. Low key and low pressure.
Excuse me if I seem distracted, distant, or if I all together disappear, I have no intention of ruining relationships. I simply need space. I need time. I need me. I’m getting away from all that puts pressure on me to be so perfect, and I’m working towards being comfortable with who I am, where I am, and what’s going on around me.
I refuse to continue as I am, because it is not who I am.
I know I am better.
After falling apart, I just need to put myself back together.
I hope to have the courage to share my thoughts and feelings along the way, but I can’t promise it. Some battles need to be shared and compared for the benefit of yourself and others, but I believe there are also some that need not be shared. To heal within yourself and only yourself can have such an impact.
What’s important is taking action. To work on yourself, because you are your best project.